Sex & Weight Gain

So you've tacked on some extra pushing for the cushion… ladies we've all been there; men perhaps you have been too. When you met your mate maybe you were two or three sizes smaller, maybe your girlfriend or wife had a child, maybe you've got comfortable and the weight just came, however, it has become a problem within your relationship and particularly sex!!

Women: Gaining weight is not the end of the world, and some men do not mind as long as its not excessive. However, accepting the fact that you have gained weight and perhaps you need to lose it or change your eating habits may be a harsh reality. Perhaps you and your mate have failed to talk about you jumping from a size 8 to 16 at 5'3". Your in denial and he's just acting as if he doesn't care, when in reality you know he does! He may not look at you the same or be as sexually attracted to you. Don't let this problem keep growing in your relationship without dealing with it, because it can be detrimental. Stop thinking that he is shallow for NOT accepting your excessive weight gain. It is unfair to him and yourself. Instead address the problem head on, ask him to come work out with you or help you eat healthier. Most men are willing to work with their woman if she's trying to improve her self image, especially for him. Men adore seeing their woman care about her body, her image, and her relationship. Plus you being healthy overall will have a positive affect on your sex life. However, in the process of changing for him make sure you are always happy with you! Now if you or your mate have absolutely no problem with your weight gain and you are healthy than this article is not for you!

Men: Struggling with weight gain can also be a uncomfortable situation. When she met you your muscle mass may have been above average, you were in shape, your sex drive and stamina were high and now its total opposite. Don't for one second be fooled that women do not care about their man's physical appearance. WE DO!Understanding that physical attraction is a eminent part in sexual connectivity is important. Consequently, gaining or even losing muscle may be a slight turn off for your mate, even if their too nice to say something about it. Teaming up once again with your mate to create goal of becoming more healthier, losing weight, or gaining muscle may be an excellent plan. And if both of you have struggled in the relationship gaining weight from the late night ice cream, popcorn, dinner and movie dates then it could be fun getting back healthy together. However, as sensitive of a topic as it may be ignoring excessive physical changes is never a good idea in any relationship.

According to a recent study conducted at Duke University up to 30% of obese people seeking help controlling their weight indicate problems with sex drive, desire, performance, or all three. Another study reported in Psychology Today stated that 68% of adults in a test survey stated after losing at least 10 lbs or more 42% of those adults felt more sexually attractive and confident. Weight gain even if you are NOT obese can cause an individual to be self conscious throughout a sexual encounter making him or her focus on everything else besides the pure enjoyment of sex. Most of the time losing weight is such a mental struggle that people spend hours thinking about it while just simply taking the first step. Its so much easier to say "I need or want to lose weight," instead just doing it.

>The good news is you can always make changes to your body. These are some helpful things you and your partner can do

-Lose a little weight even if its 10 pounds it will stimulate your sex hormones while also making you feel better about your image (if losing weight is your issue)

-Eat more nutritious foods, which control cholesterol and blood sugar levels

-Key your workout to getting blood flowing to the pelvic area, ask your partner to be apart of your workout plans

-Accept your body at any size and accept the fact that bodies can change; no one size is ever permanent

-Believe in your sensuality, know that you are beautiful or handsome and OWN you being sexy (Self confidence is powerful)

Take the sex and weight quiz at:
http://www.webmn.com/diet/body-image-sex-quiz

Find workout facilities near you:
http://www.24hourfitness.com/health_clubs/find_a_club/interactive.html

Eat sexier:
http://www.helpguide.org/life/healthy_eating_diet.htm

Cheers to a healthier lifestyle and sex life!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Riding That Horsey!

I'm not referring to the horsey at fair, and if you didn't figure that out, then YOUR PROBABLY NOT OLD ENOUGH TO READ THIS!

How are your riding skills ladies? Gentleman, how are the ladies riding skills? Please do share below. I've heard some amazing stories about women taking control and getting it all the way done. I've also heard some train wreck stories from men and women about how awful it was for them. Often times men do a lot of work in the bedroom as they should be able to when expected. However, as O'neika McCabe says it best "FAIR EXCHANGE has never ever been Robbery!" Sometimes your man may be the one who just wants to relax and get the goodies without working up a sweat.

Using about 20 friends and 30 random strangers in the Los Angeles area ages 21-35 years old (both male & female) who agreed to let me ask them some very personal questions, I received some good feedback about riding. The fact is some of us women ride it like we getting paid for it, some of y'all might be (lol); while others simply are inexperienced or uncomfortable. However, most women agreed that riding really depends on the chemistry, rhythm, and vibe of their mate. Women stated that some men were easier to ride, while they couldn't even mount a different guy. Many of the women added that the size of the male penis is also a key importance in riding meshed with the aforementioned qualities. No one person, however, had the answer to why riding one guy may be a blast and another guy a disaster. The males in my test group concurred with most of the women. They experienced great and mediocre riding experiences from women. They too, felt like it depends on the engagement and level of comfort you have with your partner plus the skills of a woman!

Personally, it depends on my mood, enthusiasm, and level of sexual freedom with my partner. I've had some relationships where I've rode their brains out and others where I felt like I needed a coach & 15 years of jockey practice to ride anything besides a roller-coster ever again. Yet, in those instances it was always a lack of comfort in the relationship. I felt like we weren't on one accord or he was on a different rhythm then me every time we attempted it. I was over thinking wondering was he looking at the 2 lbs I've gained, was I as good as his ex, did it feel good to him etc… I mean all sorts of stuff that prohibited me from doing a SeaBiscuit performance. Thus, I can empathize with the women who have shared those experiences with me. I've been there a couple of times. So how do you get over this hump to stay on the hump? Lets talk about it?

My suggestion is addressing whatever 'IT' may be that doesn't make you sexually comfortable with your mate. If its weight, lack of enthusiasm, lack of sexual freedom, too many boundaries, or bored in bed WHATEVER it may be, address it before its too late. Things that are not address about sex ONLY gets worse, he don't know what you want, and you don't know what he wants, and unless you are a mind reader you'll always just be wondering! So talk about it and if your already a PRO and this article did nothing for you, leave 'us' the people who want to become pro's some advice. Hopefully this time next year OR tonight if your a fast learner, you'll be riding your man to the moon & back!

Do White Women Give Better Head Than Black Women??

Oral sex... a topic most love to experience, talk, and in some cases brag about. However, there are some people who swear they don't do it, won't try it, and feel nothing is missing from their sex lives whatsoever. Those poor souls... After hours of conversing with my male friends of various races, about giving head, I decided to write about this topic.

I spent days online reading blogs, responses, articles, even watching porn trying to get an accurate and fair answer to the the question. Do white women give better head than black women? It seems to me that the majority of information I have found on the world-wide web suggest that white women are freakier, give better head, and like sex more than black women. Now, I TOTALLY DISAGREE, being a black woman full of sexual energy, so don't shoot the messenger!!! However, I can't help but ponder why this stereotype, if indeed it is, is so widely believed. Is there any truth that might suggest white women are more freakier in bed? Or is this just another fun worthless comparison to give us something to talk about in our lives.

Although, I initially was never excited to perform oral sex when I began to explore new sexual things, I grew to enjoy it ALOT! I noticed, however, that my enjoyment really depended on my partners willingness and enjoyment of orally pleasing me as well. It was like a fun healthy competition in bed. In short, I was happy to perform oral sex, ecstatic even, when my partner felt the same way about me. Consequently, when I was with a lazy or selfish lover I didn't care too much about it.

In my personal opinion a women's bedroom performance Black, White, Asian... whatever the race depends on her open-ness and level of comfort with her partner. Sometimes women are more freakier with one guy than another because he gives her a sense of sexual freedom, chemistry, and comfort of allowing her to perform sexual pleasures with no limits in the bedroom. Personally, I think black women are just as if not more freakier than any race of people. The way we move our hips and other body parts, the passion of our rhythm in bed, our well defined lips... I mean c'mon! And if all that is irrelevant I think its safe to say Superhead showed us all that black women can do IT and do it good.

I guess my next subject should be black men vs. white men in the oral department mmmmh, just some thoughts.


Let me know what you think, love to hear you experiences? Do white women give better head than black women? Let's hear it, exercise that 1st Amendment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LAZY SEX!

In the beginning he was like Superman in bed… I couldn't get enough of him and he definitely couldn't get enough of me. I orgasmed over and over again until we both collapsed, dripping sweat, breathing hard, excited, exhausted, thrilled, all the great combinations of a beautiful orgasm that made sex an uncontrollable temptation I couldn't resist. I was in lust, which felt like it could lead to love the way he was breaking down my walls; but after four months of great sex with Superman's assistant, I met his replacement, the lazy boss man that vowed to shoot for sideways quickies with no four let alone twelve play. He was definitely not the 'A' game guy I initially met. His lackadaisical ways became the norm in bed. As a result, our relationship suffered. Contrary to the politically correct theory that love is the only thing that matters in a relationship... SEX MATTERS. I'm sure a lot of people can relate.

Why do guys start off so strong and slowly the performance just decreases over time? Does the passion & excitement just decrease with time? It seemed no matter what I did, he never would perform like those first couple of times in the beginning. I was so bored with the sideways sex I preferred to just watch paint dry on the wall instead of faking the moans. So, I started doing some reading…

I found that a lot of women just simply do not know how to tell their man or sexual partner that they have become lazy in bed. Yes, that lovely word even I need to work on a bit more COMMUNICATION. Its a tough task to tell your partner that his performance in the bedroom has been lacking and could use a face lift. Men are tough on the outside, but when it comes to critiquing their bedroom game they become soft as marshmallows. In hindsight, I think that was the biggest reason I chose to keep a lot of opinions to myself. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. So, I went on & on accepting the 'Lazy dick,' as I've coined it, instead of saying "Can we talk about our intimacy?" I'm not advocating to initiate this conversation in bed right after the lazy sex, in fact, that's exactly what you shouldn't do. I would suggest bringing it up in a positive normal conversation between the two of you.

I expressed my lack of excitement sexually with this with a guy I was dating. Sometimes its solely just lazy performances on the male's behalf. At times men think 'they have you' and don't have to perform or impress you sexually anymore, until another man comes along and marinates his woman's… well you know what! However,ladies be prepared for a harsh rebuttal from your partner. Mine told me he was bored! My first reaction was to call him every name in the book and move on to the next, because it sounded like complete bullshit. However, the lack of hypocrisy in me would not allow it, so I hesitantly listened. Apart of me felt like he was just throwing stones back at me because his manhood was hurt that I confronted his bedroom performance, but another part of me wanted to listen because I cared about satisfying him.

He told me he would like it if I rode him more, he also expressed my lack of enthusiasm for oral sex, masturbation, along with a plethora of other x-rated wishes he felt would encourage him to perform better. We worked through it nonetheless and met at a common ground while agreeing to be more competitive with each other in bed. Although, it didn't happen overnight, adding a lot more spice and exploration to our sex life became a orgasmic change!

I would love to hear your opinions, explanations, experiences with lazy sex or dealing with it. I can imagine no one truly enjoys lazy sex… at not least all the time. And if you do, you may just find yourself becoming the masturbation king or queen because eventually your partner is going to become real bored.

By: Venessa Gopaul

Learning your Clitoris

By: Venessa Gopaul

I remember the first time having sex. I was sixteen, inexperienced about my body and scared. I remember the condom, the way it hurt going inside, all the pumping, and in a matter of 10 minutes he was done and I was confused. I faked feeling good. It seemed like the right thing to do. I watched countless movies, television shows, and implied sex scenes, rarely was the woman ever silent. I thought the sounds women made during sex was some sort of tradition I could not break. Yet, truthfully I felt no pleasure. Sex in my mind was overrated, like so many other 'pleasures' in life. A taboo I could've avoided, a innocence I could have kept. I instantly regretted having sex with then, my boyfriend. I believe he tried his best to please me, but he was as ignorant as me when it came to knowing my body; and I definitely couldn't aid him because I knew absolutely nothing about myself sexually.

We dated for several months longer and the unfulfilling sex, of course, continued. I became accustomed to the notion that IF it made him feel good, then perhaps, one day it would make me feel good… well, that day never came! Growing older and experiencing other sexual partners, the cycle just repeated itself. Mediocre sex and not one sign of this bazaar occurrence called an orgasm in sight. All the stories of orgasms and great sex I heard from my girlfriends felt like exaggerated stories to entertain individuals like myself.

I began to hate sex, oral sex, phone sex, masturbation, any type of sex, because it seemed like a waste of my time and another failed number on the infamous vagina list… UNTIL one golden and great day I figured out the power of my clitoris!! OK, I won't take all the credit for that great discovery. The nice college guy I was dating at the time figured this mystery out. However, at that point I wasn't even into sex anymore. I knew it would be another disappointing experience, so he was very patient with me to say the least. Finally, after several months of patience, gifts, wining and dining I decided to hatch the egg.

I can recall the feeling of my first orgasm, it was amazing better than any feeling I'd ever felt in my life. A high one spends their entire life trying to reach again and again. Finally, I could relate to the stories my girlfriends had told me. I didn't orgasm off traditional sex, but brother man had a tongue that could start a tornado with no wind in the middle of the Sahara. The art of stimulation and penetration had never been simultaneously and successfully performed until that day and it indeed paid off. I didn't know what was happening when I came. After it was over I asked him to do it again. He laughed, not knowing he was the first to make me orgasm. Later on I begin experimenting with toys stimulating my clitoris, and trying different things sexually that pleased me. I knew how to please myself, so I could openly express to my partner how to please me as well. I had no idea that if stimulated correctly, how powerful that little clitoris could be.

All women are different however, some women orgasm during sex and need no clitoral stimulation, this is rare but is known. Some women need just clitoral stimulation with no penetration to orgasm, while some women need both. Learning your body, particularly how your clitoris responds to certain vibrations, textures, and pressures will aid you in your quest for the best orgasms possible. Who knows what your clitoris may enjoy until you've tried it. So I encourage women to learn themselves inside and out literally! If you have a partner learn together, it will be the most intriguing and rewarding lesson plan you've ever had, guaranteed! I hope it never takes another woman six years to have her first orgasm ever. So here's to the most marvelous orgasms to come ladies, bottoms up!

Sex, Love, & Cupid

Another year of chocolates, roses, candied hearts, hugs, and kisses, but has Cupid shot his arrow into your bottom yet? Many of us will be receiving yummy treats, big surprises, heartfelt words, and remarkable dinners, but how many of us will be receiving the type of love making we truly desire? Special occasions like Valentines Day make topics like sex intriguing. On this day we feel like something amazing should occur in the bedroom with our mate; some spectacular out of the ordinary experience that makes our mate fall deeper in love with us. After all, if cupid delivers all these goodies, then sure enough, he should also deliver great sex therapy.

According to OpposingViews, a well known online news source in health and other issues, 63% of men under age 45, and 62 percent of women of the same age group, say that sexual activity is an essential part of a solid romantic relationship. In fact, 24% of those individuals were not 100% satisfied with their sex lives. Women & men too often let things subside in the bedroom that they are unhappy with for fear of hurting their mates feelings. If that is you, how about not making this year a repeat of the mediocre sex you've been experiencing. A small thing called communication in sex makes a world of difference! In fact, your mate would prefer to know what makes you climax to heights of Mount Everest, then the comparative shallow San Juan Hills. Here are a few short communicative tips to enhance your love making on Cupids Day:

1.) Give him or her a sex coupon book along with a card expressing all the things you love sexually, be very specific. Suggest using the coupons to try some of the things you've expressed to him or her.

2.) Take a long bath together, a perfect setting for relaxation. Slowly bring up the topic of sex, highlighting first the things you like. Ease into the things you want, once again be very specific!

3.) Play a sex game like Truth or dare, or Sex Yahtzee, which requires one die, two open minds, a pen, and paper. Example 1=oral sex, 2= kiss etc. remember this is your chance to try different things with your partner, and express how you want to be aroused, so don't be shy.

Happy Valentines Day & I hope Cupid visits your bedroom sooner than later!

By: Venessa Gopaul

30 Things Women Should STOP doing by age 30

30 Things Every Woman Should Quit Doing By 30

We’ve talked a lot about things every woman should do-or, at least know how to do, by the time she turns 30. However, until now we haven’t focused too much on the no-nos for women after 30. After the jump, 30 things every women should stop doing once she turns 30.

1. Buying clothes from the junior section.
2. Forgetting her parents’ birthdays.
3. Making out with her BFFs at bars for attention.
4. Making out with her boyfriend at bars for attention.
5. Filling her bed with stuffed animals (really, even one is too many).
6. Carrying a torch for anyone she hasn’t seen in the last five years.
7. Rebelling against her parents for the sake of rebelling against her parents.
8. Declaring an entire gender “all jerks.”
9. Holding a grudge against anyone who wronged her in high school.
10. Skipping regular gyno exams.
11. Going to bed without washing and moisturizing her face.
12. Being “that person” who had a bit too much to drink at the office party.
13. Crushing on Justin Bieber.
14. Thinking she’s got it all figured out.
15. Calling her father “daddy.”
16. Engaging in sibling rivalry.
17. Trying to get by on her looks.
18. Living paycheck to paycheck.
19. Expecting a man/knight in shining armor to swoop in and save her.
20. Aimlessly jumping from job to job.
21. Using MySpace to pick up guys.
22. Expecting a man to do all the wooing.
23. Wishing she had someone else’s life.
24. Expecting everyone to drop everything because it’s her birthday ...
25. ... or because her “boyfriend” of two weeks dumped her.
26. Measuring her self-worth by a number on the scale.
27. Being cheap.
28. Quitting a job without having a new one lined up first(in this economy!).
29. Blaming her mother for all her issues.
30. Romanticizing her 20s.

I agree with most of this stuff, but come on, I can't keep my teddy bear in bed with me when I'm 30, are you kidding me? That was a joke! However, who doesn't romanticize or think about there 20's. Hell, people do that way into their 40's & 50's let alone 30's. Quite frankly, at least in LA the 30 is the NEW 20, and I'm all for it, because in 5 fast years, 30 is going to sneak up on me and bite me in the butt. I would agree by 30 you should stop being cheap women, buy that pair of shoes you may want, or that new bag, or whatever it may be... if you've worked for it, spoil yourself. Financially, you should NOT be living paycheck to paycheck get a plan or some plans, a savings, and stick to it. And as the infamous Kat Williams basically stated if your over 25 and still walking around suggesting that ALL men aren't (excuse my french) sh*t, then perhaps sweetie there is something wrong with you. So by 30 you should have stopped blaming men for almost all the reasons you are unhappy. And last but not least who seriously, could not crush on Justin Bieber, the fact that his name even made this list clearly indicates, he's the hottest little guy out :)

Source: Wendy Atterberry's avatar Posted by: Wendy Atterberry Filed in: relationships
12:30PM, Thursday March 25th 2010